she was so not down for the gang bang
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
