I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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