i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
