he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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