is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
