I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
