If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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