We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
