I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
