ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
