A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
zippers are such a cool invention
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
