the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
