i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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