Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
