remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
