carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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