great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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