I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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