I am spending my child support on dildos
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize