His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
