we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
