I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
