I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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