it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
