Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
