I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize