My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize