she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
