I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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