I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
