I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Randomize
