my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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