I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my shit smells like andre
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
