Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
