My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
