just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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