Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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