I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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