I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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