Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize