Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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