is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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