You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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