Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
