seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
