I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
