I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
