haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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