look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
