I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize