the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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