shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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