You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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