Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
