I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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