He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
