I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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