I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
