Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
