I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
In America we eat man semen.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
