If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
