It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
