you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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