these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
