Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
