What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
