Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
