if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
