I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
