I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
