You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize